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Today I finish a book called 'Stairlift to Heaven' by Terry Ravescroft (2011). Put simply, its his journal from his 65th birthday to his 70th - it's ridiculous! He's a comedy writer, and you can tell.
Anyway, one of his entries made me laugh so much that I went  back and re-read it! Then I realised how un-PC it was and smiled at the thought of people refusing to laugh at it out of principle.  Well, as a Paralympian, I urge you to at least smile at this... he was 66 after all......

"April 27 2007. THE OLYMPIANS.
 
I’ve always believed that walking is the finest exercise you can have apart from sex, and like sex  can be perfectly free - unless you start buying special clothes and equipment for it and call it hiking or golf - and at the age of sixty-six I still walk five miles every day just for the sheer pleasure of it.
It was while I was out walking and passing through the local park on the way to the canal for one of my regular trips along its towpath that I chanced upon an abandoned Zimmer Frame at the of the path.
It immediately struck me what an unusual thing it was to abandon. I can understand people throwing away prams, their owners having no further use for them once their children have learned to walk, but I would have thought once you have found you need a Zimmer frame to help you get around you’d need one for life. It crossed my mind that maybe its former owner had been suddenly cured by a faith healer and having no further need of it had dramatically cast it away, a bit like the cripple who, on being cured by Jesus, had taken up his bed and walked. Or perhaps it had simply been thrown away by someone who had taken delivery of a new, lighter, faster, aluminium, tungsten-tipped , you-must-have-the-very-latest Zimmer Frame? I don’t know. Anyway it was there in the park and I found it.
You have to take your opportunities for a bit of fun when and where you find them so when I noticed a man of about my age approaching I picked up the Zimmer Frame, twirled it round my head a couple of times, and heaved it into the distance. It had not long since been announced that Britain had been granted the 2012 Olympic Games, and with it the Paralympics, and it was probably this, and the thought I’d just had about people taking up their bed and walking, that put the idea into my head.
 After I’d gone to recover the Zimmer and started to walk back the man had stopped to watch, and now looked on puzzled. I turned to him and said, a little self-critically, 'Not bad.'

His face was a picture of inquisitiveness. 'What are you doing?'

'Training for the Paralympics.'

'Paralympics?'

'Throwing the Zimmer Frame,' I explained. 'Apparently the host country can pick an entirely new event and Britain has chosen Throwing the Zimmer Frame'. It just nudged out the Hop, Hop and Hop for the One-legged? I believe.'

I returned with the Zimmer to the spot from which I'd thrown it. Two twirls round my head and I launched it again. This time it went about five yards farther.

'Better,' the man observed, encouragingly.

'Yes, must be close to my PB that one,' I said, sounding pleased with myself. 'That's Personal Best,' I explained.

'Yes I know, I'm a fan of athletics,' he said. He thought about it for a moment. 'Can anyone enter?'

I shrugged as though I didn't really know. 'Well I suppose. You'll need a Zimmer Frame of course'. I had a thought. 'It's possible you could qualify for a grant - you might be able to get funding for one if you show you any promise, I'm sure I've heard of pole-vaulters getting grants for fibre glass poles.'

I retrieved the Zimmer and made to throw it again........."

The story continues, but I'll leave it there for fear of people telling me off for encouraging this behaviour.
 


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